So proud of my boys!

The boys are doing soooo great! We officially have Scott off of the IV and into a cot! Scott's antibiotics were completed last night so this morning when I arrived at 11:30, he got to try on his first outfit! It was so fun dressing him, especially now that he doesn't have an IV attached to him! Adam is allowed to wear clothes, but because his IV is in his hand right now, it doesn't work very well. With the little onesies I have, it'll work with the IV in the head or foot, so next time it gets moved we'll try on an outfit for him too! The nurse said Scott is ready to move into a cot today (he's well over 1800 grams, and he's off the IV) so while he got held by my Mom (first time!) his old bed got taken away, and a new cot was brought in! So exciting! It's so different with a cot. They wear clothes, and then they are swaddled in a blankie, a towel, and then there is about 3-4 blankets on top of that. They keep them SUPER bundled up in there. And he has to wear a hat too, to keep the heat from escaping. It's funny though - I'm so excited for him because it's a big step, but the isolette seems way comfier. In the isolette, the babies get to stretch out, kick out their legs and arms, get time on their sides or tummies - plus it's 32 degrees in there! There is also a quilt hung over the top, so the light can be blocked out, and I think it must be a little bit more soundproof. In the cot, it seems like they just have to lie on their backs, completely bundled up. What if he has an itch? I feel bad for his little arms and legs being so trapped. But I guess it's good - it encourages a deep sleep, which is what preemies need to grow! His temperature was on the lower end during the 9PM feed tonight, so if it doesn't start to go up, he might need to go back to his isolette for a few days. When Adam is off of his antibiotics (Sunday!) they will get moved to a twin crib together. It'll be awesome, and they can keep each other warm! I'm sure they miss each other so much! Can't wait for them to reunite... I'm hoping Scott can stay in his cot until then, but I'm not 100% expecting it to last all that long, just temperature wise! Although I just got off the phone with the nurse, and his temperature for the midnight feeding was 36.5, acceptable! So happy!

Okay, so what else has been new? I'm not sure if the second blood culture had been drawn when I did my last blog post, but Adam came back with the bacteria still in his blood 48 hours after starting the antibiotics. They upped the dose a little bit, and drew another culture in 48 hours, which came back totally clean! YAYYY! So he'll be done on Sunday (not sure of the exact time) and finally I will have both boys free from the antibiotics/ IVs! That will be a huge day for us!

The boys are also learning to breastfeed! From about a week old, I would pump and then let them latch on occasionally to start learning how things work. They didn't really figure it out much at first, and kind of just held my nipple without doing a whole lot of coordinated sucking, but now they are developing their reflexes and they are pros! I'm finally able to breastfeed them without pumping first - it's not just for practice anymore. So this morning, we started off by weighing Adam, and then putting him on the breast. He went for about 15 minutes before he started to fall asleep and then he was weighed again. He had gained 25 grams, which roughly equates to 25ml (a full feed for him is 38ml). The nurse didn't trust the scale though, because that's a pretty big amount for his first time, so she still gave him his full feed. Before his next feed, he still had a lot of milk in his tummy, so she said that she probably underestimated him, and that he likely did take in quite a bit of milk! I tried with Scott for the 3PM feed (although I had just pumped about an hour prior) and I thought he was doing it perfect, but his weight didn't change after he was done, so he was fed his full 34ml through his NG tube. When I came back with Jamie for the 9PM feed, I tried with Scott again. I hadn't pumped in a few hours, and he latched on great. After he started to get tired, we weighed him and he gained 20 grams!! So instead of taking 34 by NG, he only had to take 14! So proud of both of my little guys.

I'm getting nervous about actually doing it all though. RCH is very pro breastfeeding which I love, and I'm the same way. But it's going to be tough to do it in the NICU with 2 babies. Because they both need to be 'test-weighed' for each feed, it'll be hard to do both babies at once. I don't know if I'll keep alternating feeds and only doing one baby per feed, or if one baby will just have to wait a little while and they can both try during one feed. Maybe I should start learning to tandem nurse them now ;) Once they are completely established in breastfeeding, we can start adding bottles too, which will be helpful! That way Jamie can help a bit too. I know I will be spending much more time at the hospital though as we get closer to bringing them home. Not that I'm not spending a lot of time there right now though, haha. One nurse was mentioning that they may be able to be moved upstairs to pediatrics once Adam is off his IV and that I could possibly get a private room and stay with them for the last few days they are there. That would be amazing!

What else? I'm just feeling pretty great about everything. I still miss them so much, and can't wait to have them home, but I feel like things are finally happening! The last week was a little bit of a stalemate, and it's great to get the ball rolling. Feeding on their own is the main challenge for right now, so bring it on. I'm also trying to stay prepared for things to not go as planned, because I know everything can go backwards pretty quickly. But I just need to focus on the positive and hope for the best. I was there this afternoon when the Dr. was making her rounds (The Dr visits each baby every day to discuss goals/ treatment changes/ progress etc) and she made my day! I was listening in and it was while I was breastfeeding Scott and before she left she said to the team she does the rounds with: "This Mom is amazing! She is always here, she has tons of breastmilk, and she is so positive, involved and motivated!" I honestly almost cried, haha. It's nice to know that for a difficult situation, I am doing things 'right'. Although there is no right or wrong way to do it. I can't imagine handling all of this if I had other kids or something. I'm also really lucky though, I've been able to keep up with pumping enough milk for both of them, and I have over 100 oz stored in my freezer at home already (Jamie and I added it all up tonight, haha). I'm just so happy that there is something I can do when I can't be there, because they are on my mind 24/7.

Tomorrow is Scott's first bath without the IV, so it's his first bath that I get to do on my own! I am SO excited!!! Can't wait to do the same with Adam. I can't believe it's been 17 days already.... Time has flown by. I have a parking pass until the 24th... This is way getting ahead of myself, but MAYBE they'll be home by then? I'm aiming for August 1st, but who knows. The boys are smart cookies, maybe - just maybe- they can beat Mommy's goals!

Oh! Something diabetes related - My A1C drawn this week is 5.7 :) Perfect! Still running low since delivery, time to start dropping my basal rates...

Photo time, there's lots! :)

Jamie holding both boys! They got to meet again briefly!

Like father, like son! Adam is Daddy's twin!

My little Scott

Scott and I snuggling

Scott before his bath the other day! Diaper covering the IV!

Milk drunk Adam

Adam giving us a baby face-palm!

Sweet Adam sleeping on Daddy

Me holding Scott after putting on his first outfit!

Scotty in his new cot!

Adam looks like a biker with his new haircut!

NICU life... So far!

So we are on day 13 in the NICU! I have a terrible memory and I'm sure I'm not quite right on all of the terms, so this won't be as accurate as I'd like it to be, but let's try to recap what has been going on!

The day the boys were born, they were both brought straight into the NICU. They were both hooked up to IV's (which gives them fluids like electrolytes, vitamins, amino acids, fat etc),  oxygen saturation sensors, and HR/ breathing rate monitors. Scott was also hooked up to the CPAP at first, which just helped keep his lungs open. It doesn't actually provide any oxygen, it's just a little bit of help breathing. He was only on it for about a day and a half though. We were told that the boys would be on the IV's until they reach 'full feeds'. They calculate the full feed amount based off of their birth weights. They started off primarily on the TPN (IV fluids) and slowly, day by day they increased the amount of breast milk they took in (through a nose tube) and decreased the amount of TPN they received. I think we started off at like 5ml of milk, and every 6 hours it would be increased by 1cc until we reached the full feeds of 34ml for Adam and 33ml for Scott. We were thinking both boys would be off the IV's around Tuesday the 2nd based off of the calculations. We were super excited about that, because both of the boys are 'hard IV starts' meaning it usually takes several attempts to get one secured, and way too many pokes for my little guys. I absolutely hate the IV!!! Sometimes it seems like it's moved 3 times a day :(

Jamie holding Scott

Me holding Adam

The first few days were pretty chaotic, but also pretty stable. We did a lot of baby cuddles, and the boys slowly started gaining weight again. They dropped below their birth weight pretty soon after coming out, and day by day they grew a little bit at a time. Things were pretty uneventful (aside from Adam needing an IV in his head, my little unicorn! He now has a great old man haircut) until one night (June 29th) when Jamie and I walked in for the 9PM feed. We arrived at 8:30 to see Scott surrounded by nurses, the Dr, and the respiratory therapist. I had left the hospital earlier that day at 2PM and he was totally normal. Over the next few hours I guess he had gotten very lethargic, and his HR was around 200, without him even moving. I later learned that he was also having 'bradys' which is basically where the babies stop breathing, their oxygen saturation levels drop, and the heart rate drops below 100. Sometimes babies come back from it on their own (Level 0 intervention) and sometimes they need to be stimulated (by flicking their feet, rubbing their chests) in order to bring the HR back up (Level 1 intervention). Luckily he didn't need to go past a level 1, and need oxygen. He was put back on the CPAP just to help keep his lungs open so that his body didn't have to work so hard. They ran a lot of bloodwork and did a chest X-ray. It was a really rough night. I started bawling 5 minutes after walking in. A nurse came up and she said that we had discussed this prior (must have been when I was still pretty drugged up, I don't remember the conversation) and that it's very common for babies in the NICU to come down with infections/ little sicknesses. The Dr was mentioning things like 'lumbar probes' etc too. It was a crazy night. I remember holding Adam and shaking so hard watching Scott get his chest X-rayed, but trying to hold it together to not stress out Adam. They started him on antibiotics right away, and said we'd get more information in the next day or so.  I cried all the way home, and it was the worst night ever. I couldn't get anything from pumping, I was way too stressed out. I called every couple hours and around 4AM the nurse said he seemed to be improving. His HR was starting to come back down a little bit, and he was starting to wake up. We were glad to hear that because the night prior, he looked awful. He was completely white, had the CPAP on his face, and wasn't moving a muscle yet his HR was over 200. It looked like he shrunk 2 lbs in less than 8 hours. They decided to hold his feeds, and just do TPN only, no milk at all. They also added a third bag of just sugar water to his IV.



Scott before he got sick

My sweet sick boy Scott getting cuddles

The next morning we got there and learned that the chest X-ray was clear, and that we didn't know what it was yet, but that the antibiotics seemed to be helping. The Dr came by again and mentioned doing the lumbar probe (taking fluid from the spine to check for meningitis) but that we'd wait for the bloodwork to come back. Later that day, we learned that he had a staph infection. Basically bacteria was growing in his blood. It can be introduced from IV pokes etc, and preemies just have such weak immune systems that they get sick sooo easily.  It's actually not as scary as we were expecting and he was looking much better. He was on CPAP for about an extra day, and the next morning they took him off of it. They re-ran his bloodwork after 48 hours on the antibiotics and it came back clean 48 hours after that which means he needs only 7 days of antibiotics from when the first repeat culture was drawn. He should be done in 3 days. He was off of his feedings for about 1.5 days, and so he was dropped from about 24ml to 10ml.



Scott - on the mend and feeling better!!

While this was all happening, the same thing happened to Adam shortly after. The nurse noticed he was extremely lethargic, high HR (although not as high as Scott's was) the whole nine yards. We half expected this to happen, so we were glad they started the antibiotics right away. Adam's blood culture came back with a positive for a staph infection as well, like we were expecting. It took him a little while longer to get better with the antibiotics and he continued having the Brady episodes the first day, which was pretty scary. The nurse said usually they start to really turn around after the third round of antibiotics and that was the case for him. I felt awful for him though, he just looked so SICK. He's normally so bright eyed, always looking around and making faces, but he just had this pained expression. Broke my heart. They ran the repeat bloodwork 48 hours after the positive culture and unfortunately his came back positive again. He is acting great, and looking great, but I guess it wasn't high enough of a dose to kick the infection first try. They are running a repeat culture tomorrow morning and as long as that's clear (we'll know after 48 hours) he should be off of the IV on July 14th. I have every single finger and toe crossed. I'm thinking he'll have to have another one go in his head, which I'm fine with. He seemed pretty comfy with it up there actually. REALLY hoping his blood draw tomorrow is negative though, ahhh! He also had his feedings suspended for a little bit, but he's resumed as well. They are both increasing much faster now, 2ml every 6 hours. They'll both be up to full feeds in no time! Granted their new 'full feed' amounts are higher than they were before, but that's a good thing. The Dr today said they're gaining weight perfectly and chunking up nicely. They both have super long legs (not as wrinkly anymore either) and adorable double chins!

My little unicorn Adam having a bath before getting sick

Breaks my heart- my poor little sick guy Adam

Adam is feeling much better with antibiotics!

The NICU is pretty scheduled. They feed the babies at 12, 3, 6, and 9. They start about half an hour early with taking the babies temperatures, and changing diapers. If Jamie or I are there, we do that part. We are going to be PROS at changing diapers once we have them home. We've pretty much mastered doing it with IV's, tubes, sticky things all over their chests, oxygen sensors... you name it. For the feedings... If I'm there, I'll take out one baby and cuddle with it, while holding the syringe filled with milk with one hand. The other baby will have the feeding hung over him in his incubator. It's best if Jamie and I are both there so that we can both 'feed' the babies. It goes straight into their tummies through the nose tubes, pretty neat actually. I think the nose tubes (NG) stay in pretty close to discharge, I know the nurses often feed them that way. In a week or so, I will be spending much more time there as the babies learn to breast feed. I'm already there QUITE a bit, but I will try to spend pretty much all day, to hopefully get them home sooner!

Overall, the NICU itself isn't that awful. I hate the constant blood work and pokes, and there is always a fear that something will go wrong. I always let all of the nurses know to call me ANYTIME something changes at all, I want to know instantly. I'm still worried that they'll forget to though. I wish I could be there 24/7 to cuddle with the boys, they seem sooo happy when they're snuggled up to Jamie or I. And I just can't wait for them to be together! They must be missing each other so much.

So let's see. Scott should be off the IV in a few days, Adam in 8 days. Both boys are very close to their 'full feed' amounts (although they will withhold Adam's by 1ml to keep something in the IV to keep the vein open (which will also be easier on his poor little arms and legs) and pretty soon both boys should be able to start breast/bottle feeding! After they're both off IV's, they can move into the twin crib, and out of the incubator! Can't wait :) That's a pretty big milestone... I think after that, they just need to be able to stay warm on their own, tolerate all of their feeds on their own, keep gaining weight, and not have any 'episodes' on the monitors for at least a week. It seems so far away, but maybe once we get over this whole 'infection' hiccup (which I think threw us back about a week or so) we should start to really see some progress. I hear different things about when they can come home. Sometimes I hear '36 weeks gestation', and other times 'your original due date', which would be August 15th. I'm thinking (and hoping) it will be somewhere in between, and am aiming for sometime in July. That would be amazing. I can handle that!!!

Now I think I'm caught up (although I know I've missed so much, it's been such a blur!!!) and it should be easier to update on a more regular basis. As far as the boys current weights - Adam was born at 1790 grams (3 lbs, 15 oz) and he now weighs (as of last night) 1960 grams (4 lbs, 5 oz). Scott was born at 1620 grams (3 lbs, 9 oz) and now weighs 1835 grams (4 lbs, 1 oz). My little porkers! This was as of last night too, so I'm sure they've gained weight today!

Adam getting weighed about a week ago

Scott getting weighed about a week ago

Recovery and general thoughts on the experience

Okay, so from where my last post ended....

I was wheeled into the recovery room at about 12:30 and I think they just checked my blood pressure constantly. I remember two older ladies being my nurses, the room was dark, and the radio was on. I asked them how my babies were and they said 'we're here to take care of you' and kind of just went back to their desk area. I kind of laid there for a while trying to be patient and started crying because I was alone and no one would tell me what was going on! Eventually they came back and she said I could call my Mom/Jamie to bring me my cell phone so I can keep in touch with everyone while I recovered. My Mom brought my phone (Jamie wasn't exactly going to answer a phone call from a random number 20 minutes after the babies were born - I was calling from the hospital phone) and I think a phone charger too, it was at like 17%. Jamie texted me a few pictures of the boys and told me that they were both okay. Adam was completely breathing on his own, Scott was on the CPAP, but room air only. It was just a little help in keeping his lungs open. I fell asleep on and off, but spent most of my time awake willing my legs to move. It was the weirdest feeling EVER, kind of like I would never move again. The nurse said that usually you can move after about an hour, I think I was there for about 4. I remember her calling L&D and seeing if they could just wheel me in to my room in my stretcher, but apparently I had to be moved to the L&D bed. Eventually a little after 4AM, they took me out and moved me to the room. Jamie was already in there sleeping.

I slept for an hour or so and I think I woke up and started asking the nurse questions. I remember being really thirsty, but the nurse said I was on restricted fluids. Apparently I should have been restricted to 30ML (essentially a shot glass) every hour the entire time I was on the mag drip (so the past day and a half)... I am SO glad they didn't do that prior to delivery. Anyways, the nurse let me have half a cup of ice, and my mouth was so dry. It was awful. I remember asking if I could have watermelon and she said no because it's mostly water (why I asked for it, haha). The nurses switched off at 7AM and I think they brought me breakfast eventually. I tried taking a bite of toast, but my mouth was so dry I could barely get it down. Any time the nurse left for a minute, I would get Jamie to sneak me a sip of his water bottle, haha. The new nurse was great, she didn't restrict what I ate, so Jamie went to thrifty's and bought me a TON of fruit plates. All I ate the day after delivery was watermelon, pineapple and strawberries. Watermelon was about the best thing I've ever had.

I remember a lot of doctors coming in. The OB I was seeing through my pregnancy came in (he started working at 8AM that morning) and checked me out quickly (maybe about 10AM? Noon? I'm not sure, sometime during the day). With the magnesium,  you are subjected to strict bed rest, and I was told the day prior that I wouldn't be allowed to go to the NICU until I was off of the mag drip. That was the cause of many many tears before the babies arrived. Luckily my Doctor said 'let her see her babies!!!' and they were able to transfer me into a wheel chair and into the NICU. I remember just sitting next to Scott (who I'd never seen) and crying. I don't think I lasted very long, I was so weak. They brought me back to my room, and the day is kind of a blur. I know the specialist I was seeing came in, and we talked about the pregnancy/ what happened. He made it very clear that it had NOTHING to do with my diabetes, and it was a higher risk of occurring because I was having twins. The endo came in, and we talked briefly about how to handle my diabetes - I think she said to leave the basals as is for now (because they never went up too too much) and to cut back my insulin:carb ratios to pre pregnancy levels. Any conversations with Doctors were tough, because I was sooo scrambled, and my mouth was so dry. I felt like I was drunk, hungover, sick with a flu... the whole deal. Magnesium sulphate is nooo fun.

The nurse would take me to the bathroom every few hours to change out my pad, and I remember almost passing out one time. They also brought me a breast pump so I could start trying to get things going. I was literally getting drops at that point, but I would send Jamie off to the NICU with it so that it could be split between the babies. We had a few visitors and Jamie would bring them all to see the babies while I waited and waited. I slept for a couple hours around 7PM and then just talked to the nurse for the final hours until I could be disconnected from my IV at 11:30 PM. FINALLY the time came. They took everything off, but left the IV in, just in case I needed emergency meds overnight. By the time I finally got it off the next morning it was looking pretty grungy (see photo below).

Yuck.. Time to come out!!

They wheeled me in to the NICU and Jamie and I held the babies together. Luckily the nurse told Jamie to go get his phone, and she took a bunch of photos for us. I held Scott with his CPAP, and Jamie held Adam. We sat there for a good half an hour or so, and then it was time for bed. Up to maternity we went, and I tried to sleep for a bit. I still had nurses coming in all the time doing BP checks, giving me tylenol etc, but I think I got a couple hours of sleep.

Veryyyy sleep deprived at this point!!  

Jamie and I holding the babies together for the first time.

At this point I guess it was... Tuesday morning? I don't remember much of Tuesday... I think I went down to the NICU around 9 AM and spent a fair amount of time with the babies. We were shown how to take their temperatures and change their diapers. I was feeling fairly positive most of the day. It was tough though. I just MISSED being pregnant so much. I hated having them in little separate plexiglass boxes, not safe in my stomach. I hated seeing them with IV's and tubes, when they should be happily booting at each other in my stomach. It was a really really emotional time, but I was trying to hold it together. Pumping wasn't going well, and every time I'd try to start, someone would walk in. I had a shower, and felt slightly better, but still pretty crappy. I really don't remember the rest of the day. Everything was kind of a blur - took a good few days for the magnesium to really clear out of my system. My bloodwork wasn't going to normal levels as fast as we were expecting either, so it was a lot of rounds of bloodwork! Jamie went home that night and I got a few hours of sleep here and there. I went down to the NICU at 4AM and first I noticed that Scott had a new IV put in. I didn't know at the time that they would go through so many, so it really shocked me that he had already been re-poked. I asked the nurse if I could take out Scott for a cuddle and I was told that it wasn't a great time. No one had really explained feeding times to me at that point, so it just felt like someone was telling me 'no'. After that I was touching Adam and the same nurse told me that 'they don't like to be petted, they like it when you just cup their hands and feet'. At this time, I was about ready to lose it (bad morning) so I dropped off my puny amount of milk and walked out of the NICU bawling. I cried that morning for a good 2 hours. And on and off for most of the day too. The nurse didn't do anything wrong, it was just that I was already in such a fragile emotional state and a couple innocent comments really hit me hard. I feel bad for all of the nurses and doctors that walked in on me crying that day, haha. Had to get it out of my system I guess.

It was a really rough morning. I was thinking they were going to keep me another night, but I begged them to let me go home. I just wanted to get back to my house so I could start a routine. Finally they let me leave, my bloodwork was returning to normal (which took quite a while to happen... kind of scary) and my blood pressure was starting to return to normal too. I just couldn't handle being there. I hated that I couldn't pump without 5 other people walking in wanting to give me tylenol, take my blood pressure, take a blood test, check my incision, ask how much I'm bleeding. It was awful. I was surrounded by other women leaving with their babies, could hear other (healthy fullterm) babies crying all day. I literally couldn't have a conversation with a guy at the ice machine without almost bursting into tears. They let me out around 1PM. Jamie loaded up the truck, and off we went. When I got home, I showered (in my own shower!!) and got dressed and we started doing the loads of laundry. I was finally starting to feel a little more alive and like myself.

Jamie and I went back to the hospital after dinner for their 9PM feed and that is the beginning of our new routine.... One that I'm not loving. Emotionally, this has been really tough. I'm lucky, our babies were born healthy, just early. They just need to grow more and learn how to do the whole 'suck swallow breathe' thing. We have already had a setback with both boys getting staph infections, but more on that in a later post. I am finding it hard to see other pregnant women. I should still be pregnant. I should still be in pain rolling around in bed, and need help getting off of the couch. I should still have 2 little guys beating on my insides, Adam punching me in the bladder and Scott pushing his butt into my ribs. I know I HAD to deliver them, but there is so much guilt that it's because I got sick that they have to be poked with IV's for over 2 weeks. I never got a chance to take final belly pictures, Jamie and I never even really got a picture of the two of us together while I was pregnant. There was still so much I wanted to do and complete before they came.

Now, things are settling into a routine. I get to the hospital around 11:30 AM (to miss rush hour traffic) and stay for the 12PM and 3PM feedings. I head home around 5, and then Jamie and I go back at 8:30 for the 9PM feeding. It's exhausting. The hospital is 30 minutes away, so it's a good 2 hours on the road every day. Having a baby in the NICU is tough. I get to hold a baby for feedings etc, but you can't do anything else. If you have your kids at home, you can put it down in a bouncer or crib for a moment to grab something to eat, you can watch TV for 5 minutes, you can maybe start a load of laundry. In the NICU you need a nurse to hand you the baby and to put it back, because they are hooked up to so many things. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of beautiful moments. The boys are gorgeous, and so funny and they have such personalities already. It's amazing how much they have changed in just 12 days... It's amazing they have already been here 12 days!

This isn't how I planned on spending my July, that's for sure.I was expecting to be big and pregnant and lie around on the couch and catch up on my shows. I had just bought a new book, which I'm sure will be ignored for a long long time now. I'm really hoping that time flies by and we can have them home by August. I am also learning not to expect anything. Sometimes it seems like we're making progress, but then other times, it seems like they will never be home. The worst part is just missing them when I'm away. I want to be there constantly, but of course that's impossible. I feel like our dogs are neglected because I'm gone all day, Jamie's at work all day - and then we both leave for 2-3 hours after dinner every night.

As a positive, I am feeling fantastic recovery wise. Within a couple of days, I was feeling awesome, and I can safely say I am back to 100%. I have been keeping so busy, and actually super active. When I'm home, I'm running around trying to do errands, walk the dogs, do the laundry, and then the parking lot for the hospital is down a little hill so I'm getting a couple small work outs in every day. ;) All of the swelling is gone, and I am close to my pre-pregnancy weight. My milk came in on day 4, and I have enough that I have been asked to keep whatever I pump at home in my own freezer, they don't have room for my milk anymore.  All I need are my babies at home, and things will be perfect. I feel lucky that I get to spend extra time with my boys, I've already experienced so many wonderful things and I love them so much... and they weren't even supposed to be here yet!

Overall, it's been an emotional roller coaster. Hormones on top of early babies... Who both come down with serious infections... I think I've cried more in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 2 years! But things happened this way for a reason, and we have to make the best of it. As long I don't hear too many 'you must be getting so much sleep' comments, I'm okay... There is nothing fun about being a NICU Mom. You constantly worry that you're going to get a phone call that somethings going wrong. You're constantly missing your child(ren). You don't get any private time with your baby, there is always monitors, nurses, other parents around. Your child will learn to breastfeed in an open room. Luckily, I'm not shy - but if I was, the only protection from that is a curtain attached to a rod. You are surrounded by other parents with sick/ very premature kids, parents whose kids have been there 12+ weeks already and their journey isn't over yet. It is such a balance of good and bad moments for all of the parents there.

This post sounds really negative. I swear I'm not this negative in person. I am incredibly upbeat about the whole experience, and we have had a ton of great days and moments already. Jamie and I are getting along great, and we're supporting each other through all of this. It's just nice to vent every once in a while, so I guess that's what this is. Everything's still a little scrambled at this point!

Oh! And diabetes wise... I'm running low now. I need to make an endo appt, and I think my basals need to be cut back to pre-pregnancy... That's on my to-do list! Until then, I carry around a lot of juice boxes :)

Up next: How the boys are doing thus far in the NICU. I'm going to try to update it often, because so much has happened already! I'll finish this off with some pics though! I have two VERY handsome little men!

Jamie with sleepy Scott

Adam just a couple days old

Scott and I

Adam and I

Love... Adam holding my hand

And then life changes in an afternoon...

Let's start this post with the main point: My amazing, beautiful boys Scott & Adam arrived on June 23rd, 2013 at 32+3 weeks gestation. I don't know where to start, so much has happened in the past 9 days. Because it's about as fresh on my mind as it will ever be - I guess I'll just start with the whole 'delivery' experience. What I type is likely full of incorrect information, because my head was NOT attached straight during the whole thing.

Everything was going completely normal with my pregnancy. I had a scheduled NST on Friday (the 21st) at 1PM. We were getting our couch back from the Brick the same day and I was worried it was going to be at the same time the Brick was coming. Sure enough, the timing was not great so I called the NST clinic to either reschedule or cancel because I was going back again on Monday anyways. The nurse said it was best that I don't cancel and she told me to come in Saturday morning at 10AM.

Saturday morning Jamie and I drove out and they hooked me up to the machine like normal. Babies were active, their HR's were totally normal. I had trace amounts of protein in my urine, which wasn't abnormal for me during pregnancy and had never been cause for concern before. My blood pressure however was one point over the 'normal'. Usually if we try a time or two, it comes back down, but it was still stubborn and just slightly over the norm. The nurse said she wanted to run bloodwork just to be safe. I waited (and waited and waited) for the lab guy to come and he took my blood. The nurse told me to come back in 1.5 hours when the results would be in. I didn't even know what they were testing for to be honest - I was distracted - we were supposed to be going to IKEA! I was kind of surprised that they couldn't just call to tell me the numbers were fine, but whatever.

Jamie and I went to Boston Pizza for lunch and then drove back to the hospital. I told him to just pull around, I would run upstairs to talk to the nurse and be back out in 5 minutes. When I got upstairs, she said my bloodwork was abnormal and I had to stick around to talk to the OB. I called Jamie and told him to run home and grab me more insulin because I was pretty close to empty. It seemed like it would be a long process too, whatever we had to talk about,so I told him to pack me some stuff, just in case I had to stay. She told me it seemed like pre-eclampsia, so I would likely be admitted. I quickly started googling and it seemed like the only cure was delivery, but that there were certain things that could hold it off. I also asked her if my bloodwork was 'kind of abnormal' or 'very abnormal' and she said it was 'significantly abnormal'. I'm just reading back to text messages I was sending, and apparently we had to wait for my platelet counts - if its not 'super super low' we should be okay, and if they are really low, then that's a bad sign. I guess they were 'super super low'.

Eventually they brought me down to L&D and put me in a triage area. Suddenly 3 nurses and the OB come in and say that I have HELLP syndrome and the babies would have to come out NOW. (HELLP syndrome essentially is a form of pre-e, and your body just starts to shut down. My liver, kidneys, blood cells, everything looked pretty bad... Even though I had ZERO symptoms) At this point my blood pressure shot up to about 150/110, because I was so stressed out over everything. I remember Jamie showing up and me crying and insisting that we talk about things a little more and do the steroid shots at least to help develop the babies lungs. They put me in a room (which was pretty nice, with a view of the Fraser River, haha) and said they were going to start me on the magnesium sulphate. It's a drug to reduce the chance of seizures due to the high blood pressure etc. They were going to run bloodwork again and as long as it wasn't worse, I wouldn't have to deliver right away. But if it was getting worse, it was now. They actually told Jamie he might not have time to drive back home to grab more stuff/ drop off his truck and drive back with my Mom. He left anyways (because the bloodwork takes about an hour) and they started the IV (took 3 separate attempts, geez) and we kept the babies hooked up to the monitors and they were running my blood pressure every 10 minutes. It was at about 125/110 at this point. They also gave me the first steroid shot to help develop the babies lungs faster. Jamie and my Mom arrived when I was in the middle of the main dose of magnesium. They warned me it wouldn't be fun, and it wasn't. It essentially makes you have a hot flash, and just feel overall crappy. They also were going to put in a catheter (EEEEP) but for some reason said that they could just monitor my urine intake instead through me peeing in a little container, thank god.

My platelet count had gone up slightly and everything else stayed stable so we were able to hold off for a little while at least. At this point I was hoping to hold off until Monday because my OB was on call that day, and I wanted to be induced to attempt a vaginal birth. I think I was under the impression I would only have to be on the mag drip for 24 hours too. My blood pressure stabilized and I was allowed to eat something so Jamie went to get me Subway. The next text I have from Jamie is photos of the boys, so I guess I have to try to piece together everything through other texts/ my brain. Basically they kept me on the mag/monitors/10 min BP checks over night and ran bloodwork every 4 hours. As long as things didn't worsen, the plan was to wait the full 48 hours so we could get the full benefits of the steroid shots for the babies, and induce at that point. I slept about 1-2 hours that night, I had to pee constantly and every time I had to disconnect the monitors, and attempt to pee (into a little thing in the toilet so they can keep track out my output) with 3 monitor belts on my stomach and dragging along an IV pole. Also, every time I moved or rolled, one of the babies would slip off of the monitor so we would have to readjust. My blood pressure was actually not bad, pretty much completely normal levels all night at this point. I have very little memory of the whole experience but I remember that what I thought was a baby pushing into my left rib was actually braxton hicks (practice) contractions, except baby B (Scott) was actually pushing up on my right side like I thought. I also read a few pages of the 5th Game of Thrones book, but it is wayyy too big and was too heavy on my stomach. I think I read the first chapter of Twilight too, and it took me about 2 hours to do so. My brain was not working so well. They kept running my bloodwork every 4 hours and it stayed stable.

Crabby camper cause of the monitors

In the morning things were pretty much the same. We kept at the bloodwork/BP checks etc and it was a pretty standard day. I don't know what I DID all day though, I know I didn't have TV or anything, and I don't think I was sleeping. I also had to have a nurse in the room with me the entire time, because of the magnesium and potential for seizures. I had to get every single blood draw in my left vein (because my IV was on the right), so it was starting to look pretty scary and mangled after so many tests.I don't think I will ever be stabbed more times in a few days than when I had babies. It literally must have been like 30 times at least. I think.  I got the second steroid shot at 5PM Sunday and then suddenly my blood work turned sour. My creatinine (I think) was now way off, and apparently that is something that can really cause issues long term if we don't fix it soon. I think I was still trying to go for the induction because for some reason I didn't want a C-Section. I really don't remember much though. The magnesium screws with your head, and I was starting to get deliriously tired. I think eventually around 7PM we decided to just do the C-section that night, because the operating room was opening up at 9PM and my kidneys were still looking pretty bad. I also decided that I liked June 23rd better than the 24th because 0+6+2+3+2+0+1+3 = 17 which is 'my number' (and Jamie's too!), so I wanted them out prior to midnight, haha. We had to wait for everything to open up and I was SO tired at this point, I was literally rambling like crazy. My Mom/ in laws were there and apparently I was the entertainment for the night.

I also remember I almost didn't qualify for a spinal, because my bloodwork was going sour (once again). I think it was issues with my platelet counts, but they ran it again and it was stable enough that I didn't have to be put under. I remember the spinal guy having really straight teeth and telling
him that he would have to buy me a present if he made me cry, and I would buy him a present if I didn't cry. I think I also asked him how much money he makes, because that would determine the quality of present I would expect, LOL. I was going crazy. We got me dressed up in my gown, and Jamie got into scrubs too. He looked just like a Doctor until he put on the hair net at which point he looked 'just like a Dad'. Haha. I was really impatient because 9PM had come and gone and I was so worried about going over past midnight. Plus I just wanted to get things done. It had been decided that I had to stay on the magnesium for 24 hours post delivery so I really wanted to get things moving.


 Family photo before birth!

My last belly photo! I miss that tummy!

 

They were going to let me walk into the OR, but I guess I wasn't allowed because of the magnesium/ monitors etc. I remember them wheeling me past the nurses desk in my bed, and I was waving at them all, haha. Into the OR I went, and they finally took off the monitors. I remember holding my (bare) stomach for the first time in almost 2 days, and for the last time ever with the babies in there. They moved me on to the bed, and I sat for the spinal. I was kind of nervous for it, but it really wasn't bad at all. I was shaking though, I always shake when I'm nervous/ excited. It just took a really long time though. I think a resident did it, not the actual guy. I remember afterwards saying I'd have to buy her a present. Anyways, they test to see if it's working by holding a bag of ice on my body. I couldn't feel the coldness pretty much right under my boobs, which I guess means it's working. They started cutting me open and in came Jamie.

The opening me up part happened pretty quickly and suddenly Adam (baby A) was out! He cried right away! I think they took him over to clean him up, and he peed on his hat, and then he pooped. They brought him over and I got to touch him. I remember him being way too close to my face, and I could barely see him. But I thought he had really blue eyes, and super long fingernails. I was really overtired. I asked the nurse to hold him about a foot away so that I could see him a little better. Jamie got to hold him, and then off he went. Shortly after Adam was out, Scott (Baby B) came out too. I thought I heard him crying, but I think it was Adam. Scott needed a little more help and he was rushed away pretty quickly. Jamie went to be with the boys and I was sewn back up. It seemed to take forever, but I guess there is a lot of layers to sew up again. I was falling asleep on the table too. I remember hearing a lot of 'sucking' I think they really vacuumed up my uterus well. Jamie said afterwards that there was a lot of blood everywhere, and even a bloody footprint on the floor, hahaha.

Eventually it was all over and they moved me onto a stretcher (almost dropping me! The wheels weren't locked!!) and off to recovery I went... I'm going to end this post with that. My whole delivery experience was about the craziest thing I've ever experienced. I wish I remembered more of it, and it wasn't such a sleepy haze, but it's all worth it because I now have two amazing beautiful sons.

Introducing:

Adam Peter Arsenault

Born on June 23rd 2013 at 11:19PM, weighing 3 lbs 15 oz.

 

 

Scott John Arsenault

Born on June 23rd 2013 at 11:21PM, weighing 3lbs 9 oz.